Do not jeopardize your physical and emotional well-being for a night out of fun.  By observing the following tips, you can still have a great time and date rape and sexual assault can be prevented because safety is in your hands:

1)     Take a self-defense class.  This is a great tool for women of any age, dating or not.  By preparing for the worst by learning self-defense moves, you will know how to protect yourself if you should be in a dangerous situation. 

2)     Choose a public place.  If you are meeting someone you’ve been in communication with online for the first time face-to-face, make sure you do so at a crowded, public venue.  Do not rely on the guy for transportation—if you are alone in a car with a man you don’t know, you are putting yourself at risk and have an automatic disadvantage.  Meet him at the place of your date.  

3)     Enlist backup.  Double-dating or group dating with other couples on the first few dates with someone new is a good way to keep yourself safe.  Having friends around that you trust to look out for you will help you feel more comfortable and decrease your risk for harm. 

4)     Skip the alcohol.  Sound judgment is the first thing to go when drinking and alcohol makes a date rape situation more likely to occur.  In fact, of all reported rapes and assaults, alcohol was a factor for 55% of women attacked and 75% of men who raped/assaulted.  So for the first couple of dates, make sure you stick to non-alcoholic beverages. 

5)     Pay your own way.  It is also a good idea to ignore the traditional rule of the man paying for your date.  Some men tend to think that just because they bought your meal, you owe them something at the end of the night.  To avoid any confusion about this, consider going “Dutch” and take care of your own ticket.

6)     Give details in small doses.  When first getting to know someone, be sure not to dish out every little piece of info on your life.  Keep things like your home address, work address and other personally identifying information to yourself until you are comfortable and the guy has proved he is worthy of your trust. 

7)     Define the boundaries.  To assert yourself as a strong woman who is in control of the dating situation, don’t be afraid to communicate with your date about what you’re comfortable or uncomfortable with.  Let him know if you find his behavior unacceptable and if this should anger him, this is a definite red flag that must be heeded.  Bow out and end the date right there.

8)     Keep an eye on your belongings.  Watch your purse, wallet, cell phone and drink when out with someone you’ve never met before.  It is especially important to never leave a drink unattended or ever take a drink from someone you don’t know—there is the chance of being slipped a date rape drug. 

9)     Inform your friends.  Make sure you let a friend or family member know where you are going and who you’re going with.  Keep your cell phone on you and have them check in on to see how things are going throughout your date.  Be sure to call this person as soon as you get home to let them know you are safe. 

10)  Don’t be overly trusting.  It doesn’t matter if the guy seems nice or not…you still don’t really know a person from just one date.  Don’t let your guard down—if you are overly trusting it may signal to a man with the wrong intentions an easy target.  Rely on your intuition and if your gut is telling you something is not right, then there is no need to be polite and tolerate a certain environment—leave immediately and get to safe place. 

Romance scams defined:  Romance scams are confidence tricks by money hungry con-artists involving faux-romantic intentions toward a vulnerable victim, thereby gaining their trust and affection and in return using that goodwill to commit evil acts of fraud.  In most cases these fraudulent acts involve access to money, bank accounts, credit cards and passports of the scammer’s prey.

The signs of a romance scam:  Fortunately, the key to staying clear of such a disaster is education.  By knowing what a romance scam is and being able to recognize the tell-tale signs that come with it, you will be a savvy-internet dater who can avoid those scamming scumbags on the web.

If you are involved with someone who you feel might be on the shady end of the internet dater spectrum, ask yourself the following questions.  If you answer yes to the majority, the likelihood is high that a scammer is trying to squeeze your bank account dry:

• Do they contact you first?
• In your initial contact with them did they offer you a means of chatting other than through the dating site? (i.e. personal email)
• Does their profile picture resemble a model or someone extremely above average? Like perhaps it was taken from a magazine?
• Does their alleged age/gender/race not match their picture?
• Do they only have a profile picture and no others?
• Is their spelling/grammar atrocious, not aligned with their supposed background/education level, and reminiscent of a 2^nd grader’s?
• Do they claim to be a U.S. citizen just out of the country for work?
• Do they claim to be American but have a foreign accent when you speak to them on the phone?
• Do they respond to your emails with subjects that have zero to do with what you sent them?
• Is their alleged last name something very generic like Jones, Williams or Smith?
• Did they fall in love with you freakishly fast and profess their feelings of loyalty and undying devotion?
• Are they sending gifts like flowers right away?
• Do they seem unfamiliar with their supposed home town or country?
• Do they give you sob stories like a family member died, medical problems, or other similar hardships?
• Do they blatantly ask you for money to assist them with their troubles?
• Do they ask you for your bank account details?
• If you enter their email address in a Google search, does it return results associated with scams?

What to do if you’ve been scammed.  So it’s confirmed.  The “wonderful” person you’ve been pouring your heart and soul out to over the internet turns out to not be who they said they were. In fact, they are a lying, thieving con-artist not after your love, but your assets.  Whether you’re just in communication with them or they’ve already made off with your hard-earned dough, here are the steps you need to take:

• Cease all contact immediately.  Block the scammer and do not respond to emails, chats, calls, etc.  Do not try to catch the scammer on your own—this is a job for the appropriate authorities.
• Alert the dating site.  Be sure to let the dating site that connected you and the scammer of the situation.  Any reputable company will take action and remove the scammer’s fake dating profile to save other online daters like yourself from being victimized.
• Alert the authorities.  File a complaint with your local police.  Be able to provide them with proof such as emails, text messages, letters or anything else that shows that the con-artist requested money.  They will then gather more information from the involved dating site and hopefully arrest the criminal who stole money from you. In some lucky situations, you may even see your money again.

To avoid falling into the hands of a man who may have slipped off his wedding ring for an internet fling, watch for the following tell-tale signs:

Clue #1:  Zero picture.  If your guy doesn’t have an online dating profile picture or one that is difficult to make out, beware.  The majority of married men don’t want a picture of themselves online for the world to see, heightening the chances of getting caught.  Instead of posting their photo on a dating site, they may ask to send it to you via personal email.

Clue #2:  He will make first contact.  In most cases, married men will be the first to send the initial contact through the online dating service you are using.  A lot of these men tend to look for someone who seems trusting, naïve and who can be easily manipulated.  They will seek out such vulnerabilities by asking a lot of questions immediately so they can determine if you are an easy target or not.

Clue #3:  Irregular and erratic communication.  If you find that your internet guy responds to your messages in an irregular manner…mark this as a red flag.  Married men have family lives and obligations to their wives so they may not be as available as men who are actually single.  Watch out for late responses, long intervals between communications or even calling on a very set schedule.  Ask yourself a few questions—does he only call you on his work breaks?  Late at night?  Are the calls frequent or do they fluctuate?  From where is he calling?

Clue #4:  He requests your phone number, but won’t give you his.  It is not unusual for married men to ask for your number shortly after the initial contact.  Don’t be afraid to ask for his number in return.  If he is unwilling to give it, you might not want to go there.  Most men who have nothing to hide won’t have a problem sharing both their cell and home number as they want to be available to hear from you.

Clue #5: You can never reach him.  If you do have his number and are constantly having to leave a message when you call, this could be a sign of a problem…like a marriage.  Watch out if you have to wait hours or even days before he calls you back.  And when he finally does there is some sort of elaborate excuse.  Of course, there is a chance that he really has other things going on and he’s not cheating on a wife, but regardless you don’t deserve that kind of inconsistency—call it quits, sister!

Clue #6:  He won’t share info with you.  When first communicating with an online gentleman it is crucial not to give out too much information…but when you get to a certain point where you feel safe and comfortable in disclosing more about yourself and he is unwilling to do the same with you, we have another red flag.  Many married men won’t give out their last names in fear that you could look them up and discover their true, cheating identity.  If he won’t tell you where he lives, works, etc. there is a good chance he is hiding something from you—like a wife!

Clue #7:  You never get to meet his friends or family.  Maybe your relationship has progressed to the point where you want to share it with your friends and family—that is great!  Unless he acts strange about introducing you to the people close to him.  Men who are cheating on their wives obviously can’t have any family members or close friends finding out about their extra-marital affairs…so if your guy is dishing out excuses about why you can’t meet his circle of people then you need to proceed with caution!

1. Private schools. We aren’t talking Brown or Harvard. We’re talking about local private schools that kids attend. Does this mean he’ll have a kid? Probably, but a sugar daddy isn’t really about getting involved with someone’s personal life. If you know a kid who goes to a private school, get your foot in the door by volunteering for a soccer tournament or school carnival. Put on your best smile, stand up straight and be confident when a mature gentleman sans wedding ring rolls around. Start out with small talk (after all, in the immortal words of Samantha Jones, “Wedding rings do come off, you know,”) and be warm and inviting if all signs point to this being a single man.



2. Alumni functions. Many millionaires give back and they start at their alma maters. Not every self-made man went to an Ivy League school. If he’s still interested in being part of the university’s community and makes sizeable donations, there’s a good chance this guy has sugar daddy potential. Don’t be pushy. Be smart, introduce yourself, smile and let things happen organically. A man who has money to spend is usually generous, but he’s also aware of gold diggers and may stay away if you’re overly eager.
3. High end hotels. Some men with money will stay at a high end hotel when conducting business. After all, he can put it on his taxes and if he’s at a swanky place to begin with, it’s most likely he wants to show it off. We can’t guarantee a sugar daddy for the long haul, but if you hang out at the hotel bar or pool on Wednesday or Thursday, you may find yourself a wealthy guest to entertain for the remainder of the week.
4. Upscale bars. We aren’t talking about fancy digs where rappers hang out when they’re in town. We’re talking upscale bars and lounges where your city’s social set unwind after a long work week. If a guy is in town on business, fellow business people may take him there for a round of drinks or he may be there entertaining potential clients. If he’s working, don’t expect him to buy your drinks and take you home that night, but it can be a way to make eye contact and get yourself noticed. If you’re feeling gutsy, slip him your phone number, but be sure it’s away from his work buddies. You never want to interfere with that part of his life; after all you’re the fun part.
5. High end stores. The millionaire doesn’t always do his own shopping, but sometimes he does, especially around the holidays. While tasks like shopping for co-workers or house keepers may be left to an assistant, shopping for family members is usually something a guy will take on himself, no matter how wealthy he is. Around the holidays, check out high end department stores. The guy may waltz through the men’s section in search of holiday vacation clothes or a suit for a holiday party. Play like you’re browsing for your dad or brother and don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation. The more light-hearted and relaxed you are, the less he’ll think you’re after one thing – his money. Though you’re on the hunt for a sugar daddy, it’s important to have some chemistry and shopping provides a neutral environment for you to see if that spark is there. Unless you want to get dumped 30 seconds into meeting the guy, refrain from thinking he’ll take you on an instant shopping spree. Be smart and pace yourself.
6. At the airport. Smile and wear your best travel clothes and you may get bumped to first class. This isn’t always the case these days, since airlines are struggling, but you can still plan to meet a sugar daddy at the airport. When you’re checking in, take an inventory of who’s standing in the business class or elite flyer line. Business men who travel often usually check in at these areas since they’re frequent fliers and sometimes use the same airline again and again. Once you know a guy is flying business or first class (for some airlines these are the same thing, for others first class is a tier above), snag a seat within his line of vision at the gate. You’re both headed to the same place, right? That’s plenty of time to strike up a conversation and get a feel for what he’s looking for. Don’t worry about if you live in different cities. Many sugar daddies prefer this.
7. Professional sporting events. Your potential sugar daddy may be into sports or he may be there entertaining a client or being entertained by business associates. Either way, many rich guys hang out at professional sporting events in their downtime (or faux downtime). There’s nothing wrong with getting to know a guy in this setting. It’s best if you can get into a private box, which gives you access to the area where the wealthy play. You won’t be able to walk into just any box, but there’s usually a lobby area for everyone to hang out in between periods. In this area, you can spot your prey, find out what he’s doing there and show you’re available. Be sweet, smile and don’t be overly loud or quiet. It’s all about feeling him out to see what he’s into.

Finding a sugar daddy may not be an easy task, but if you’re determined to have a guy to entertain while you snatch up exotic trips, decadent meals and designer goodies, it can be done with a little strategy. There’s nothing wrong with this type of relationship, as long as both parties involved know the dynamic of the relationship and consent to it. Don’t expect a sit-down talk about the relationship with a sugar daddy. You’re there for fun, so as long as you keep your head in that place, you’ll have no problem moving on once he does.

The best dating sites have one thing in common – they’re a great place to meet other singles and snag a date! Sure, this is the objective of every online dating site, but some are far more effective at producing dates, long term relationships and marriages than others. If marriage isn’t what’s in the cards for you right now, remember that any successful online dating site means it’s easy to meet other people and snag some company.

What are we looking for when reviewing the best dating sites? User-friendly functions and interface that’s fun to use are essential for the best dating sites. Sure, online dating may still be a little unconventional, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be fun. It’s still dating! You should be excited and a little nervous, but not because you can’t get your picture to upload correctly. The best online dating services have fuss-free applications that anyone can use. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to sign up and create a stellar profile, and that’s exactly how it should be.

As with life, the more options, the better. The best dating sites have several ways to interact with potential dates. Online dating has a few more components than traditional dating. If the site offers a direct messaging application, plus instant messaging, you’ll likely end up with potential dates that are willing to put in the leg work to actually get to know you.

A flirtatious direct message here or there will eventually need to IM-ing, which could end up in texting or a phone call. Having a few options on how to communication with potential dates allows you to become comfortable with the world of online dating. Some need to ease into it and the various options give the opportunity to do that at your own pace. The best dating sites make it easy to use these options, even for those with limited computer experience. You aren’t at the site to learn a new computer program, you’re there to get a date.

The best dating sites protect your anonymity. This means there are several security components that protect you from uncomfortable encounters. Remember to immediately report any inappropriate behavior you encounter, but if you’ve taken our tips into account when choosing the best dating sites you should be in good company. The best dating sites give you the chance to weigh your options. For those who move slowly in the world of dating, this setup is ideal. Often the sense of anonymity allows you to be yourself and attract a person who likes you for you.

Check out the site’s demographic. Today there are hundreds of different dating sites to choose from, such as Russian dating site, Christian dating sites, and married dating sites. You are no longer limited to a few mainstream online dating sites now that there is a plethora of Internet dating sites out there and many of them market to specific demographics. Are you divorced? Over 50? Looking to date only one race? All of these things come into play when choosing the best online dating site for you. A search of dating sites with your keywords plugged in will bring up sites that may work for you and end up with a potential mate.

Set a budget for how much you’re willing to spend on an online dating service. Some cost more than others and if it’s your first foray into the world of online dating, you may want to spend a little less and get a feel for the way online dating works. If you’ve been down this route before and are comfortable with meeting people online, you can spend what’s comfortable for your budget. All online dating services are free to register, it’s contacting people that costs funds.

To figure out what online dating site to spend money at, choose a few to sign up for. Not a ton, maybe three or four. This gives you options and gives you a chance to check out the interface and functions of a site. Create your profile, add your picture and start to look around. You’ll find yourself gravitating more towards one site than the others and that’s how you’ll know which is the right fit for you. You can also check out the quality of people this site has to offer and let that determine whether it’s worth spending money on.

Don’t limit yourself. You may want to try the larger online dating services you see commercials for and see ads for online. That’s a great place to start, but be open to smaller online dating sites too. There are many local options for singles, which are aimed at cultivating friendships prior to a full-blown date, which may be a great fit for you.

Consider the safety aspects of the site. Does this site protect its users? The site should offer total anonymity to all users. Users should be able to make the move on when to take things to the next level and reach other to a potential date with a personal email, text or phone call. This allows you to take things slowly and get to know the person on the other side of the screen. It’s like good ol’-fashioned dating with a little technology thrown into the mix.

The best online dating sites are easy to use. The interface is attractive, but not complex. Let’s face it, not everyone is ridiculously skilled at navigating fancy websites. If you’re at a desk using Excel the majority of the day, that doesn’t mean you need an online dating site with Flash and cheesy details. The focus of the site is to help singles interact and get to know each other. The most effective way to do this is with interface that’s simple and a layout that’s sleek rather than distracting.

Applications should be easy to use too. Online dating comes with a little work, like filling out a profile to share what you’re all about and displaying an image (to attract potential suitors, of course). There’s no reason these applications should be fussy. They should be simple to use and essentially explain themselves. Also consider the chat and messaging functions. Both should be easy to use should you choose to leave someone a private message or you engage with them via IM on the online dating site’s messenger service.

That’s another thing to look into when choosing the best online dating service for you. You want a site that has multiple ways to interact with a potential date. An IM service and private messaging should be the minimum for an online dating site that gives you a couple of options of how to get to know another person. Interacting with someone in real time may seem awkward without knowing them, so get to know a potential date and build some momentum by utilizing the site’s private or direct messaging function.

Keep your name private. This sounds a little wacky, but it’s always best to keep your real name to yourself. This is just for the online portion of “courtship.” If you feel comfortable enough after chatting with someone online and attempting to speak with them on the phone, that’s your decision, but sharing your first name only is what’s suggested. A simple Google search can bring up your Facebook page and if it isn’t set to private, your potential mate may end up learning a lot more about you than you’d like. You want to be the one to show them what you’re all about, so refrain from sharing your real name.

Never share personal information. Some of this may strike you as common sense, but you’d be surprised at the horror stories that surface when sharing too much personal information too soon. Go with your gut and once you have a decent amount of trust developed with a potential partner, then you can share more of yourself. Online dating is like traditional dating, but it does come with additional “steps” that we aren’t used to when it comes to conventional dating. One of these steps is knowing when to take things up a notch by sharing your personal email address and phone number.

Consider setting up an email account specifically for conversing with a person you’re interested in. If things go awry, you won’t have this person cutting into your personal life. Never post any of your personal information in an online dating ad or on your page. Again, this may seem like basic advice, but you can never be too careful when creating your online presence.

Immediately report anyone who makes inappropriate advances. We get it. Some online dating sites aren’t really aimed at dating, but geared more towards hooking up. Hey, you get what you pay for. If you’re looking for quality, expect to pay for an online dating site’s services. With that, comes peace of mind and secure anonymity until you’re ready to reveal yourself to your potential date.

1. You did something offensive – Belching, passing gas, or other offensive behavior is a sure way to gain the attention of many dirty looks. Unless you’re the only person in the room, you’ll want to avoid this.
2. Saying something unflattering – You just opened your mouth and promptly inserted your foot. I know you didn’t mean to, but the look you just got lets you know it wasn’t the right thing to say.
3. Time to leave – It’s getting late or you have a schedule to keep. The time has come for you to depart, but someone is not cooperating. When the stern look is followed by exaggerated pointing at the clock, you better start getting it in gear.
4. Telling a lie – Who’s cares if you tell a little fib? The person giving you “the look” may have something to say about it.
5. Drinking or eating too much – You just got another adult beverage or went back to fill your plate again. Someone who may not appreciate the consequences of your actions could be trying to get your attention. Do you really need another cocktail? The look you’re getting now is there to remind you what happened last time you over-consumed.
6. Flirting – In most cases, a little flirting can be harmless enough, but you want to be wary of the overly jealous spouse or date. Your “significant other” may not appreciate your undue attention to another, plus the person you’re flirting with may have someone else seeing green.
7. Telling off-color jokes – Sure, it was funny when you first heard it, but not everyone may appreciate your brand of humor. How were you supposed to know she was the minister’s wife?
8. Made a mess – From tracking mud across the freshly mopped kitchen floor to spilling a drink, making a mess is bound to draw someone’s attention. Chances are the looks you get won’t be kind.
9. Talking too long on the phone – How do you know if your phone conversation has gone on long enough? The exasperated look on someone’s face could be your first clue.
10. Interrupting – Bursting into the middle of a conversation or not letting someone finish their sentence may be welcomed by some, but not appreciated by others.

This list could go on and on. Any number of things could raise the ire of someone. The look on someone’s face can give you the silent message you just made a mistake. Although not usually a good situation, that person could be doing you a favor. You now may have an opportunity to salvage your current state of affairs. Rest assured the person with a dirty look is sending you a signal you’d be well advised to pay attention to.

To continue with another quote that could be pertinent to the subject is this from Sophie Tucker taken from Women who date too much:  “From birth to eighteen, a girl needs good parents, from eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks, from thirty-five to fifty-five she needs a good personality, and from fifty-five on she needs cash.”

True or not, it brings a little humor to the subject.  So bear with me as I make a few suggestions, hoping to come up with at least ten ways dating is different after retirement.  Maybe you can find a pointer that will benefit you.

Dating after 60 would be difficult.  Society putting the retiree in an “old” category makes getting past family feelings difficult.  Our children, if indeed there are any, may not understand the need to meet new people.  But I say Press on, senior citizen.  Press On!

Dating later in life is unsettling to say the least.  Society has changed over the years since a retiree was young and in the usual dating years.  Morality has changed as well.  It seems one who gives is expecting to receive.  So for a man to open the door for a lady, to pick up the tab after a meal – one could fear he is expecting more than she is willing to give at the end of the evening.  Old fashioned courtesy for the sake of courtesy is questioned.  Sad but true.

Isn’t the field of selection fewer after retirement age?    According to statistics there are more men and women who are looking for companionship and even marriage after 50, but wading through the multitude to find someone is unnerving to say the least.

When one is in their mid-sixties, getting married may not be out of the question, however being too picky can get in the way.  Don’t sell yourself short for certain, but also accept that age has happened to the opposite sex and they too have certain criteria they want met.  So be prepared.

TV advertisements bombard us dating web sites. Knowing someone who has actually used these websites would be a good thing.  I would come nearer believing someone I knew personally than those used in the ad.  To put oneself on the web makes for vulnerability and the fear of opening oneself up to cranks!  The same goes for newspaper ads in the personal section.  I see ads in the personals daily, people trying to meet people.

Companionship seems more important as we get older.  Just to have someone to watch a movie with, or go to a nice restaurant. aving Having someone close to share conversation with is healthy.  We are social beings.  We were not meant to be alone.  We all agree however that some personalities have difficulty getting back into the dating scene.

Knowing how to ask questions while on a date, without looking like you are interviewing someone for a job, can be tricky.  Of course, the ideal date is being introduced by someone you know who can vouch for the intents of the individual.

When I was in the working world, our service men who installed garage doors were forever being “hit” on by lonely women.  These men were married, and even if some weren’t they were able to know first-hand that there were traps that should be avoided. Even when a retiree is serious about companionship, whether casual or otherwise, society has changed and both men and women’s attitudes toward the opposite sex has also changed.

I know people who refuse to go to the senior centers of their community for dread of being considered “old”.  Yes, some of us do have trouble accepting that we like others have aged.  However, there are many who frequent the centers that are still well and able to give companionship.  They go for the socialization.  The trips, or Friday night dances, or whatever the local group sponsors.

Church circles and activities sponsored by the church would also give opportunity for retirees to meet.

For sure it can/could be difficult for the person retiring isn’t twenty anymore and usually time and years have given them different ideals of what they actually want in another person.  However, after giving it some serious thought, then brace yourself for more of a selection than you might have anticipated.

Guest post by: Doris T.