Archive for January, 2011

10 Ways Dating is Different After Retirement

There are several ways of looking at dating after retirement.  We’ll assume one has the right to date.  Meaning they are single and not attached for whatever reason.  Second, we’ll have to take into consideration that the age of retirement is 62 or 65 as a rule unless one has planned well enough to retire at a much earlier age.  Another factor to consider is this:  is the retiree male or female.  Sometimes the same works for both, then again women are from “Venus and men are from mars”!  Did I get that quote from John Gray correct?

To continue with another quote that could be pertinent to the subject is this from Sophie Tucker taken from Women who date too much:  “From birth to eighteen, a girl needs good parents, from eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks, from thirty-five to fifty-five she needs a good personality, and from fifty-five on she needs cash.”

True or not, it brings a little humor to the subject.  So bear with me as I make a few suggestions, hoping to come up with at least ten ways dating is different after retirement.  Maybe you can find a pointer that will benefit you.

Dating after 60 would be difficult.  Society putting the retiree in an “old” category makes getting past family feelings difficult.  Our children, if indeed there are any, may not understand the need to meet new people.  But I say Press on, senior citizen.  Press On!

Dating later in life is unsettling to say the least.  Society has changed over the years since a retiree was young and in the usual dating years.  Morality has changed as well.  It seems one who gives is expecting to receive.  So for a man to open the door for a lady, to pick up the tab after a meal – one could fear he is expecting more than she is willing to give at the end of the evening.  Old fashioned courtesy for the sake of courtesy is questioned.  Sad but true.

Isn’t the field of selection fewer after retirement age?    According to statistics there are more men and women who are looking for companionship and even marriage after 50, but wading through the multitude to find someone is unnerving to say the least.

When one is in their mid-sixties, getting married may not be out of the question, however being too picky can get in the way.  Don’t sell yourself short for certain, but also accept that age has happened to the opposite sex and they too have certain criteria they want met.  So be prepared.

TV advertisements bombard us dating web sites. Knowing someone who has actually used these websites would be a good thing.  I would come nearer believing someone I knew personally than those used in the ad.  To put oneself on the web makes for vulnerability and the fear of opening oneself up to cranks!  The same goes for newspaper ads in the personal section.  I see ads in the personals daily, people trying to meet people.

Companionship seems more important as we get older.  Just to have someone to watch a movie with, or go to a nice restaurant. aving Having someone close to share conversation with is healthy.  We are social beings.  We were not meant to be alone.  We all agree however that some personalities have difficulty getting back into the dating scene.

Knowing how to ask questions while on a date, without looking like you are interviewing someone for a job, can be tricky.  Of course, the ideal date is being introduced by someone you know who can vouch for the intents of the individual.

When I was in the working world, our service men who installed garage doors were forever being “hit” on by lonely women.  These men were married, and even if some weren’t they were able to know first-hand that there were traps that should be avoided. Even when a retiree is serious about companionship, whether casual or otherwise, society has changed and both men and women’s attitudes toward the opposite sex has also changed.

I know people who refuse to go to the senior centers of their community for dread of being considered “old”.  Yes, some of us do have trouble accepting that we like others have aged.  However, there are many who frequent the centers that are still well and able to give companionship.  They go for the socialization.  The trips, or Friday night dances, or whatever the local group sponsors.

Church circles and activities sponsored by the church would also give opportunity for retirees to meet.

For sure it can/could be difficult for the person retiring isn’t twenty anymore and usually time and years have given them different ideals of what they actually want in another person.  However, after giving it some serious thought, then brace yourself for more of a selection than you might have anticipated.

Guest post by: Doris T.

10 Ways to Tell You Found a Great Dating Site

Dating has changed. It’s not longer about meeting someone at a restaurant or bar, simply because many of us no longer have the time. Now, we search for a romantic partner from the comforts of our own home through the many dating websites available on the web.  But, like anything of access, it can be difficult to choose one. How do you know which dating sites are trustworthy, safe and of the highest quality? As you embark on online dating, here’s how to tell if your dating website makes the mark for you and your needs.

1. Ask yourself what the overall objective of the website is. While some websites specialize in one time dates for users, others are geared for everlasting love. Are you looking for a fun night out or interested in a life partner? The first rule of dating websites is that each one has its own prerogative, so you’ll want to research the overall message of the website before moving forward with your profile.

2. Stick to your budget. Once you’ve decided on a dating site to try out, whether it is www.eharmony.com Yahoo Personals or www.match.com (among the many others) you’ll want to find a website that is within your budget. Trustworthy websites don’t cost an arm and a leg so be on the lookout for special promotions for first time users.  How much are you willing to spend on their services? If at any time, the information on the site seems suspicious or doesn’t offer a ‘guarantee’ of some kind, you may want to consider the safety and security of their payment procedure and go with another dating site.

3. How good is their customer support? One sign of a reliable website, no matter what genre they’re in is access to a live representative available for all of your questions and concerns. When it comes to dating websites, this is even more important and especially when you join as setting up your profile and learning your way around their site can be a bit overwhelming.

4. What is their success rate, anyways? With as much time as you’re putting into meeting someone, you should determine how successful it’s been in the past.  Do they have success stories that you can read about or watch videos of? A visual such as success story testimonials speaks volumes for anyone looking for a romantic partner, considering the time, money and emotions they’re putting into it. What makes them stand out?

5. Pay attention to the user’s profiles. Since you’re essentially getting to know someone over emails and instant messages, the information that’s in their profile (and yours) is of the utmost importance. So ask yourself: does the website offer a wide range of nationalities, cultural backgrounds, education levels, work experience and values in its users? Do it seem like the website has a large selection of a limited one?  Does the user profiles’ allow for an easy way to contact them, and can you navigate through their information fairly easily? This is a very important trait, especially once you find someone you want to connect with and get to know.

6. What is the websites’ overall method of compatibility? Successful websites have a clear, scientific approach to this process. Do they connect you with random people or have a scientific makeup to their matchmaking? Do they take the time to match your values and preferences with care, attention and deliver as promised? Most of all, do they match your values, likes and dislikes with someone of similar tastes and interest as you?

7. Make sure your dating website has a high level of user security. There’s nothing worse than getting emotionally invested in a dating site, only to discover that your password and credit card information has been hacked into.  Make sure your dating website has the necessary security in place before joining.

8. To help determine the credibility of a website, make sure it looks professional. Chances are if the dating website is impressive looking from the get go, chances are it’s the real deal. Websites out to get as much money as they can from users tend to not spend much on their website, so if the website is professional looking you can bet their services are respectable as well.

9. Do you agree with their communication style? Some dating websites have a prerequisite questionnaire before they allow users to freely communicate with each other.  This can be frustrating for some, while for others it can be a nice safety measure.

10. The website’s overall look and feel. Does the dating website have a welcoming, overall friendly feel to it that calls to single people or does it invite people of all situations, including um, married folks too? Beware of some dating websites that offer dating opportunities for people who are single, married and in open relationships. The more you know what you want in a dating website, the better off you’ll be.

While dating websites can be a wonderful way to meet that special someone, it can also pose some risk. Like anything else, take the necessary steps to ensure a positive and above all safe experience. Most of all, enjoy getting to know someone from t he comforts of your home.