Archive for May, 2010

80 Online Dating Acronyms You May Not Know

If you are new to the online dating scene be prepared for an influx of winks, smiles, and all kinds of three character acronyms that are going to start coming your way.  Online dating and texting/chat sort of has a mini language of its own that you do need to pay attention to.  Why?  Well, you may think you know the type of person you are chatting with and what they are looking for, but you could be wrong.  So here’s a quick cheat-sheet with 80 fairly common (but not overly obvious) online dating acronyms.

  1. AML – Not just a part but you are lucky enough to be receiving All My Love.
  2. BiF – No, not a sound effect from the original batman series, it is a Bisexual Female.  The person is just letting you know their sexual preference.
  3. BiM – You guess it, it’s a Bisexual Male This person is just letting you know they are interested regardless of your gender.
  4. BiMF – A little more of a brain teaser this one is Bisexual Married Female.  This wife is ready for just about anything, but note that you are either way the other person in the marriage (or one of them).
  5. BiMM – Of course, a Bisexual Married Male (ditto the BiMF).
  6. BDSM – A little more on the naughty side this one is for Bondage/Domination/Submission/Masochism.  Be prepared for some wild and intimate encounters if this comes up in a conversation.
  7. BBW – This is short for Big Beautiful Woman.  If you like a fuller figure woman then pay attention for this in her profile.
  8. BHM – Okay this means Big Handsome Man.  So this one is more of an enigma big could mean tall or it could mean he is packing a lot of extra pounds.  In either event, it’s most likely an honest person.
  9. CD – This is not something that you listen to in your car radio or computer, this is a Cross Dresser.  Be prepared to share your clothes!
  10. CPL – This person is not a certified professional, in fact it isn’t one person it is a Couple.
  11. DBF – You might think this is an old database file (nerd alert), nope it is a Divorced Black Female.
  12. DBM – This is not double mint anything, it is a Divorced Black Male.
  13. DDF – This is something you hope that EVERYONE is Drug and Disease Free.
  14. DINK – This isn’t someone small or dinky.  This stands for Double Income No Kids.
  15. Dom – This is a type A, bonafide Dominant male.
  16. Domme – This is not a reference to Jean Claude, rather it is an honest and interesting type A Dominant female.
  17. D/s – This again relates to generally sexual activities and stands for Domination/Submission.
  18. DWF – No, not the airport in Dallas this is a Divorced White Female.
  19. DWM – I’ll bet you can guess now that this is a Divorced White Male.
  20. F/T – This fairly universally known as being an abbreviation for Full Time (meaning not part time and usually looking to commit).  They are no part-time lovers (sorry Stevie…).
  21. F2F – Also pretty obvious but they are looking for a Face To Face meeting.
  22. GSOH – No, they didn’t mis-spell gosh, this is a person with a Good Sense Of Humor.
  23. GBF – This doesn’t have anything to do with Great Britain, but it is a Gay Black Female.
  24. GBM – This is a Gay Black Male.
  25. GWF – Not to be left out, this is a Gay White Female.
  26. GWM – If you see this in a profile this is Gay White Male.
  27. ICQ – Well this person wants to use I seek you – chat software.
  28. IMHO – Not just in my opinion but In My HUMBLE Opinion.
  29. ISO – This is not an industry standard for quality control but someone that is In Search Of someone or some thing.
  30. IRL – This is not someone from Ireland, but they telling you about something In the Real Life.
  31. ILU – Well they can’t type a heart with one stroke so they are saying I Love You.  So this is getting serious…
  32. LOL – This person thinks you are so funny they are Laughing Out Loud!
  33. LTR – This is not a person that wants to write a letter they are looking for a Long Term Relationship so be ready.
  34. LFG – This is not laughing gas but someone that is Looking for a Group.
  35. LDS – No, not LSD this is a member of the church of Latter-day Saints.
  36. LDR – Not the leader of the pack, this person is looking or okay with a Long Distance Relationship.
  37. LGBT – This is generally used to refer to an organization or group of people and it stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender.
  38. M4M – This is basically a gay guy that is saying Men For Men.
  39. M4W – This is generally heterosexual as it is Men For Women.
  40. MBA – This is not a business school graduate, but someone that is Married But Available.
  41. MBF – This is a Married Black Female.
  42. MBM – Not MGM the move studio, this is a Married Black Male.
  43. MJF – Actually not related at all to MJ (Michael Jordan), this is a Married Jewish Female.
  44. MJM – Likewise this is a Married Jewish Male.
  45. MM – Not the chocolate covered candy that melts in your mouth but not in your hands, this refers to Married Men.
  46. MWC – Awwww… This person is Married With Children.  Relax, they could just be looking for a friend, besides you can’t be interested in online dating and be judgmental.
  47. MWF – This is a Married White Female.  Again, don’t assume they are looking for an affair or sex unless they say so.
  48. MWM – This is a Married White Male (ditto MWF).
  49. NSA – This is not the National Security Agency looking for spies, etc.  This just means No Strings Attached (no commitments necessary or desired).
  50. PF – This is simply a Professional Female (not that kind of pro… mind out of the gutter please).
  51. PM – This does not always mean in the afternoon, evening, or night this can be a Professional Male.
  52. P/T – Well this just means Part-Time of course (not F/T).
  53. RPG – Well if you are an online gamer, you know this means Role Playing Games.
  54. RL – Similar to IRL, this just means Real Life.
  55. SAF – Not SAP from a tree this is a Single Asian Female.
  56. SAM – This person’s name is not necessarily SAM, he could be a Single Asian Male.
  57. SALT – They are not looking for condiments (salt and pepper).  They are instead Single And Loving IT!
  58. SBF – These start to get predictable but this is important as this is a Single Black Female (more singles to follow).
  59. SBM – This is accordingly a Single Black Male.
  60. SCF – This isn’t something from ScarFace, this is a Single Christian Female.
  61. SCM – This is not source code management, but a Single Christian Male.
  62. SHF – Buenos dias, this is a Single Hispanic Female.
  63. SHM – We can’t leave out the Single Hispanic Male.
  64. SINK – Well you can’t just say you are single, if you have a Single Income No Kids.
  65. SJF – Shalom, this is a Single Jewish Female.
  66. SJM – We have to pay our respects as well to any Single Jewish Male.
  67. SM – This is not a small shirt size, but another type of sexual encounter that is just Sadmism/Masochism (also S&M).
  68. SOH – They are not trying to be indifferent they are looking for a Sense Of Humor.
  69. Sub – This is not an underwater ship (nor a $5 foot long) but someone that is Submissive.
  70. SWF – You might know this from the movie with the same name this is a Single White Female.
  71. SWM – A less well known species called the Single White Male.
  72. SO – Pay close attention to whether this is capitalized like this and then it means Significant Other.
  73. SWALK – This one is a bit long for text messages/abbreviations and it means Sealed With A Loving Kiss.
  74. TV – This is not only the box you like to relax and watch at night this could also be referencing a Transvestite.
  75. TS – This generally will be referring to a Transsexual.
  76. W4M – This stands for Women for Men.
  77. W4W – You had to know that Women for Women was coming.
  78. W/E – This does not always mean the weekend this could also mean that the person is Well Endowed.
  79. WLTM – This pleasant word means that some person Would Like To Meet you.
  80. XOXO – Just like a letter from Grandma this means Hugs and Kisses.

There are many more acronyms, but you generally can begin to understand them fairly easily if you have the right mindset.  Basically, by learning these and a few others you will begin to get a natural feel for these acronyms and of course, you can always ask for clarification (???) or IDK (I don’t Know) and XXX (the acronym you don’t know).  If an acronym is being used, you need to think about it and make sure you know it otherwise you could end up with a big surprise down the road.

15 Common Causes of a Sexless Marriage

It’s really common for men especially to complain about the number of times they have sex with their wives (okay more often it is the not having sex that they complain about).  The reality is that this is a very serious issues facing over 20% of the couples in the U.S.  One U.S. National Health and Social Life Survey found that 2 percent of the married respondents had no sexual intimacy in the prior year.  That doesn’t seem too bad but the definition of a sexless marriage is generally broadened to having sex less than 10 times per year which gets us to 20% of the couples in the survey.  There are many causes of a sexless marriage but we thought we would list the 15 most common.

  1. Different work schedules and all around busy lives.  This is actually the most common cause because one or more partners are simply exhausted from having too many other activities going on in their lives.
  2. Kids in the bedroom or lack of privacy.  For parents, this is definitely very common for the first couple of years.  It’s really important for both the child and for your marriage to have the children sleep in another room whenever possible (that’s why baby monitors were invented).
  3. When one partner just doesn’t “feel” sexy.  This can happen if one partner’s health has slipped maybe they have gained a lot of weight, lost their hair, or for whatever reason have low self-esteem.  If they don’t see themselves as sexually attractive it can be hard for them to get into the mood.
  4. Business trips can be a huge part of the problem.  Some jobs require up to 100% travel making it virtually impossible to be together.  In these cases, it is important to make good use of vacation days to spend lots of quality time with your spouse.  It’s also important to cherish the time you do have together between business trips.
  5. Pregnancy in general (both before the child is born and after).  This is a time when a lot of hormones are changing causing some behaviors that just aren’t normal for her and like with an illness, there isn’t much she can do about it.
  6. Adultery.  This is what most people assume is the most frequent cause of a sexless marriage but in fact it is not.  However, when one of the partners is having an extra-marital affair it does usually lead to a decreased appetite for sex with their spouse (not always, sometimes they want to try new things with the spouse as well).
  7. Illness of one partner is also a very common reason for a sexless marriage.  This can be especially difficult as neither partner has really done anything wrong, however that does not make it any easier.
  8. Pets in the bedroom.  We all love our pets but having them in bed with you isn’t for everyone especially during sex.  The only practical step to take here is to simply find another place for your pet before having sex.
  9. Sexual Dysfunction or any type of difficulty like erectile dysfunction or similar medical issues.  These can be very embarrassing and could cause one of the partners to deprive the other partner to avoid the situation.
  10. Asexuality (excessive masturbation) can also be a factor if one of the partners is engaging in this they just won’t have the appetite for other sexual relations as they frankly don’t need another person to be satisfied.
  11. Sexual addition (pornography).  If one partner is addicted to pornography they may not be able to be aroused in the absence of pornographic materials.
  12. Spite is another reason for sexless marriages.  In general if your spouse is so upset with you that they are using sex as a weapon you already have serious marital issues that need to be addressed.
  13. Sexual confusion of one partner.  It’s also possible that one spouse may be homosexual and didn’t realize that until after being married for a while.  This will of course lead to problems in the bedroom.
  14. Money problems and other marital issues that you need to seek counseling for will often cause the lack of sex in a marriage.  If your overall marriage isn’t strong and healthy then it should not be surprising that your sex life is weak to non-existent.
  15. Religious beliefs can sometimes lead to sexless marriages.  For instance, some religions belief that sex is only meant for conception and that it should otherwise not be practiced.

Please keep in mind that when we are talking about a sexless marriage.  We aren’t talking about a debate over whether once or twice per week or even per month is enough (sorry guys that’s not sexless).  We are talking about having sex less than once per month.  We can’t stress enough how important it is to listen to your partner and understand their needs and wants (note this goes both ways).  If you find yourself in a sexless marriage work together to find the source of the problems and try to overcome them.  If you are successful you may find that perfect balance where both partner’s needs are met and you experience a fuller, happier marriage.

20 Resources for Coming Out of the Closet

We’ve all heard horror stories about telling your friends and family that you are gay and the over-bearing parent that just won’t accept you for who you are.  First, we do want to say that this definitely does happen and it truly is tragic when it does.  However, it is also the case that most of your friends and family will actually already know that you are gay and will actually be relieved that it is out in the open and that they can now openly support and love you for who you are.  It’s natural to be concerned about coming out of the closet (to be honest we really hate that phrase, but it is what it is…).  Here are some web resources that you can turn to for help:

GLBT Websites: These are some websites with guides, articles, and general information that will help gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people come out to their loved ones.

  1. Empty Closets – This is a great and really supportive community that knows exactly what it is like to be struggle with your sexual identity and telling others about it.  They have a lot of excellent resources and articles on a wide range of subjects from health to exploring your feelings.
  2. The Gay Student Center – They have some great articles telling you how others came out of the closet as well as some excellent forums where you can interact with others that have been through exactly what you are going through.  This is a great resource for high school or college students.
  3. All Things Queer – Here are some great coming out stories that will give you both sides of the story some good, some bad, but hopefully a couple that you can relate to.
  4. The Gay Youth Corner – This is a bit harder to use but also has some great chat rooms and some really appropriate stories for young gay and lesbian teens and young adults.
  5. Family Acceptance - This is a rivoting story of how one family got through a tough patch when their picture perfect family was torn apart by their son’s realization that he was gay.  The important point is that they got through it and share with you how they did it.
  6. GLBT.org – This is a national group that support the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender community.  This site is incredible!  They offer hotlines and online chats to be there for you when you need someone the most.
  7. I Thought I Knew You – Another tale from a family that has been where you are with a child that came out.  They put together a pamphlet to help others which is really inspiring.
  8. Oasis Magazine – This is a great online magazine that has lots of articles which cover entertainment and various other subjects that are relevant to the gay and lesbian community.  We are pointing you to their coming out stories, but the rest of the site is also really interesting.
  9. Human Rights Campaign – Another great source of guides for people that are coming out.  There are guides as well for transgender people and a specific guide for African Americans.
  10. Gay Fine By Me – This is a cool resource for people that you come out too to join.  We definitely encourage you to get your friends and family to join.

GLBT Blogs: These are some great and current blogs that will help gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender people as they live their lives proud of who they are.

  1. Debriefing the Boys – This blog is a continuous story about the life of Matt, a gay man that has come out and continues to explore himself and the complexities of being gay in a mostly straight world.
  2. My Journey Out – This is the story of a middle aged man and the complexities of coming out a bit later in life (49 years old).  He details how he came out to his wife and you can follow his life now that he is out.
  3. Coming Out 101 – It has been a while since Sue shared what was going on in her life but she has some good YouTube video links that can help people coming out so we wanted to include this blog along with a plea for her to keep updating it.
  4. Coming Out Strong – This is a very active blog that from the Brethren Mennonite Council for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Interests (BMC for short).  This is really well written and is almost more of a online journal than a blog in that the articles are amazing pieces of literature.
  5. My Gay Life – The message from this blog is simple, “YOU ARE NOT ALONE!”  This is written by Chris, a young man from Indianapolis who has some great articles and recently just picked writing back up.  Good to have you back, Chris!
  6. Queer Sighted – A great blog that covers everything from Adam Lambert’s latest exploits to other current events that impact the gay and lesbian community.
  7. Coming Out From Behind the Badge! – This is a really well written blog by Greg Miraglia that goes into lots of topic surrounding law enforcement and the treatment of gay and lesbian officers.  You will want to subscribe to this one for sure!
  8. Opening the Door – This is a blog all about Kevin and how he opened the door to come out of the closet (because he hated it in there).  A good read with a lot of really appropriate articles.
  9. Emerging Butterfly – This blog chronicles one woman’s exploits as she went from being the proto-typical housewife to a confident lesbian mother.
  10. Relentless Egomania – A current blog from Aaron (a young cub in Edmonton Alberta).  He is working in IT full-time and chronicles coming out to his parents and more about his life.

Hopefully this article has provided you with some good ideas about how to come out of the closet.  The main goal of it is to let you know that you are not alone.  There are many people that have opened that door before you and many more that will do so after you.  One of the best things you can do is join the lesbian and gay communities mentioned here and follow some of the bloggers.  It’s through sharing our experiences that we heal and we help shed some light on what it means to be gay in an evolving World.

25 Resources and Dating Tips for Seniors

Just because we all inevitably get older does not mean that as soon as we reach our 50’s or 60’s and up that we are no longer interested in love and companionship.  In fact, that is when we have the most time to spend enjoying the company of another person.  What’s more enjoyable than spending our senior years traveling with someone we love to new and exciting places and truly enjoying our golden years.  Seniors have so much to offer and with all of their life experiences they can really make some of the deepest and most meaningful connections with others.  We put together this list of 30 tips for dating seniors to help them find what they are looking for in a companion.

Rules for Getting Back Into the Dating Game

While it is always difficult despite your age to start dating seniors typically have experienced divorces, death, or some other significant life events that have gotten them to this point.  In fact, as you are reading this it may have been several years since you have had a date, don’t worry it’s just time to get started and here are a few rules:

  1. Start slow. Don’t force yourself to immediately go up to someone and ask them out on a date.  Maybe start off by joining a mixed group of men and women to sharpen up your social skills some.
  2. Don’t Procrastinate. Starting slow doesn’t mean NEVER.  Know the difference!  Don’t put off getting started until tomorrow as tomorrow may never come.
  3. Find your passion. What do you really love doing?  Find someone that loves the same things by joining a local group that has a similar interest (book clubs, golf clubs, cooking classes, etc.).
  4. Don’t be so serious.  Don’t feel the need to be serious and proper all the time for goodness sake it’s okay to cut loose every now and again.
  5. Don’t be so stubborn.  Okay just because you haven’t ever liked something doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try it again with someone else.  They may teach you a new way to experience what you hated before (whether it is a food you thought you hated or country line dancing).
  6. Love yourself.  Know what your strengths and weaknesses are and appreciate yourself for what you have to offer another person.  You really need to be at peace with yourself to fully enjoy the company of another person.
  7. Re-learn how to have fun. Do you remember how much fun you used to have going out on dates? You can still have all of that and more because this time around you can really appreciate every moment.  Keep your memories close to your heart as you make new one’s.
  8. Don’t overdo it. Okay so remembering the old days you may be tempted to stay out all night and all the dancing and drinking (yes you can still do all of that).  Listen to your body and don’t push it too far just because it doesn’t recover like it used to.
  9. Don’t underdo it. Okay I didn’t say pass on anything that makes you uncomfortable.
  10. Don’t compare your dates to prior loves.  It’s really tempting to bring up your previous spouse and to compare the person you are dating or looking for to them.  Don’t box yourself in and remember that everyone is unique and special in their own way.

Online Dating for Seniors

What use the computer and the Internet to find a date?  YES!  This is what modern seniors do.  Especially as baby boomers find their way into the senior category this is getting more and more popular.  After all, they have been using computers at work for years and can instant message or email with the best of the younger generation.  Here are some great sites and articles to help you as you go online:

  1. 100 Top Dating Sites - So the absolute best guide to online dating websites is right here at 100bestdatingsites.org.  Several sites listed are specific to seniors.
  2. Matches Made on the Web – CBS News did a great article on how seniors are turning to online dating to meet new friends.  Read this to see if online dating might be for you too.
  3. Online Dating Safety Tips – Online dating sites and social sites in general are great but this article will give you some information on how to be safe before you create your online profiles.
  4. Online Dating Success Tips - This is a great article to help you not only be safe, but to be successful with online dating.
  5. SeniorFriendFinder – Sometimes you are just looking for a good friend and that can evolve into more.  If you just want to get started you might first try a site like this one.

Offline Dating for Seniors

Of course you can still meet people in more traditional ways (outside of cyberspace).  There are tons of opportunities to meet new people around you if you just open up your eyes and hearts to the potential.  Here are a few good ideas:

  1. Community center - For those of you that live in a senior community or assisted living facility the community center usually offers all kinds of great activities and opportunities to mingle with others.
  2. The gym – Regardless of your age, the gym is a great place for meeting people plus it’s healthy for you too.  One great idea is to join a swimming or aerobics class at the gym for people your age (they probably have more than you can imagine).
  3. Grandchildren events – Surprise you are not the only grandparent out there.  Attending events for your grandkids (sports, music, anything) is a great way to meet other grandparents and spark new relationships.
  4. Volunteer in your community – It is very common for other seniors to generously give their time to the community.  You can go to  VolunteerMatch.com to find a local project that could use your skills and help.
  5. Church or Sunday School – Attending church or Sunday School should not be exclusively about meeting other people but first about worshiping and following your religion.  With that said, churches are the perfect place to meet people that share your beliefs.
  6. Continuing education class – Another great way to meet people and get guarantee that you get something out of it is to take classes at the local community college or education center.  You may learn a new language, learn to cook in a new way, or even attend art classes.
  7. Dance class – Whether you love the polka or country line dancing, dance classes are there for you in your community and a great way to meet new people that will naturally lead to social events.
  8. Book club – Book clubs are great because it is yet another way to live, learn, and meet new people. At a minimum you will get to enjoy some great literature.
  9. BINGO – Okay you knew this was going to come up, but it’s fun what can I say?  Regardless of where you live there are probably several local bingo parlors and events for you to join.
  10. Cruises – There are several excellent senior cruises that you can go on to exciting destinations.  Why not see a new part of the World while you attempt to meet someone special.  These are so much fun that if you haven’t been on one, you really need to give it a try.

Whatever you do remember to enjoy your years as a senior (you have earned some fun).  You may be getting older, but so what? Everyone is getting older and can certainly relate to that.  Why not use some of these resources and tips to make sure you are getting the most out of life (not that you can’t be single and loving every minute of it).  Enjoy, live, and stay true to yourself and your beliefs and remember these are your golden years so put some polish on them and let them shine.

Break-Ups: Some Great Life Lessons

A breakup can not only feel like the end of a chapter in your life but the end of life as you know it altogether. While there is no doubt that breaking up is a traumatic event, especially if you’re the one being broken up with, but it isn’t something that needs to mean feeling like you’re completely starting over. After all, you aren’t really going back to square one and you’re not a blank slate, even without a partner. Take a minute to consider these points:

  • Every relationship makes you wiser. While this particular relationship may have come to the end, it certainly doesn’t mark the end of all relationships in your life. Think about how much you’ve learned in the years you’ve been dating. Are you the same person you were when you were with your first girlfriend or boyfriend? Likely not, and the experiences of those relationships, even if they ended badly, have made you the smarter, wiser person you are today. This breakup only builds on that knowledge and will help you the next time around.
  • You’ve gained a better sense of what you want. If the person you were with turned out to not be so great after all, consider it a blessing that you broke up. However painful, now you have the chance to find someone that will be a better fit for you, appreciate you more and make you happier than your previous partner. Without the experience of breaking up you may not have figured these things out, and you’re not really starting over but building on what you already know.
  • You have more time to focus on you. While your relationship may be over your life is far from it. Without someone else to occupy your time you can focus on doing things that interest you. Travel to a new country, take a class, learn a language or finally go skydiving. Sometimes even when it’s against your will freedom can be a gift and can help push you in the right direction and make you a stronger, more-centered person.
  • Relationships are only one part of your life. Yes, you might have to start the search for a partner over again, but that doesn’t mean your whole life is starting over. You’re a different person with different experiences now, so you’re not starting over but moving on. Unless you decide to quit your job and move halfway around the world the only thing that’s really changing is your relationship status, so hold on to the things that are stable.

Getting through a breakup can feel like an insurmountable task but one that can be a little easier to get through if you look at it from a different perspective. You may have lost a big part of your life, but you’ve also gained some other things that can be pretty valuable as well, leaving you not to start over but to grow wiser and stronger as you move towards another chapter in your life.